Handle Hurtful Words | Maintaining Happy | Support

How To Handle Hurtful Words

Sometime we get offended, when someone say hurtful words with us, no matter what the other person says, we can overcome the resentment and hurt that would otherwise weigh us down. Should you fight back with equally hurtful words? Ever notice that when you talk to a friend about the hurtful things your boy/girlfriend, husband/wife, mother/father... just said to you, they reply with, 'Well, it sounds like they just have issues they need to deal with.' If you remove yourself from the situation and see it from your friend's point of view, you can see that your boy/girlfriend, cousin, sister/brother... does in fact have 'issues' they are trying to deal with. The words they say are meant to address one of two issues: a desire to meet their needs, or support of something that they value.

When we understand that their words are meant to meet their needs or support their values, it is much easier to react lightly to what others say to us. For instance, you have just left work to drive home after learning that you got a big promotion. 'That's a lot of hours to work! Wow, now that was hurtful! Why doesn't your friend seem happy for you? What if your friend told you that they were afraid your new promotion would cut into the time you spend together? As you take this all in, you realize that reacting emotionally and letting the pain overwhelm you will not help the situation at all.

Try to learn from others how know to handle rightly when someone say hurtful words to you. We can learn from someone who understands the secret to maintaining happy, strong relationships; someone who recognizes that the seemingly hurtful words spoken by the young man are all about himself and have nothing to do with other people. His words are spoken in an attempt to either support a value or to meet his needs. Perhaps the young man is having doubts about his self worth and is frustrated with his current situation. He blasts other people in attempt to bring his own self worth higher.

Remember that people are always trying to either support a deep value they hold or to meet a need they have, and usually anyone says is always about them and not about you, it becomes easier to shake the resentment when you recognize this, you will find yourself feeling happier in your relationships and you allow yourself to feel compassion for others, which will in turn lead to smoother, more satisfying relationships. So next times you find yourself upset by the hurtful words of another stop and remind yourself it's not about you.